All my life, I have suspected that I am trapped in a poorly-written sitcom. My mother is indeed a lovely lady. Lots of couples I know have had babies out of desperation and right before cancellation. My family even had a pair of identical cousins - although one of them simply vanished. Never again did we mention Chip.
To prove my point, I would like to share with you my Top Five Clichéd Sitcom Plots That Totally, Actually Happened To Me, Really:
5. "Mistaken For a Hooker"
First of all, the cop never let me explain the go-go boots. Only later did he acknowledge that they do subtly accentuate my thighs - but by that time his testimony was so not admissible in open court.
4. "My High School Reunion"
I thought I went there to impress my former classmates. Tragically, so did my date, Miss Jo Anne Worley.
3. "On the Jury"
Yes, I was the lone holdout - he had a nice smile. Then, within roughly twenty-two minutes, eleven of my fellow citizens literally beat the crap out of me. I'm thinking, “Where are the bailiffs?”
2. "The Forgotten Birthday"
Weeks later, everyone felt guilty. But Grandpa never noticed.
1. "Not Legally Married After All"
This one actually happened to my Great Uncle Fred and Great Aunt Ethel, for reasons that are still obscure. When the townsfolk found out, they followed local custom and stoned their bastard children.
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